Captain Def took a big bite of his burrito.
Number One, Lieutenant Roll, looked at him with a mix of disgust and curiosity. “Are you sure that’s a good idea, sir? Logs show you’re the first to eat that since we left port 2 years ago. The food replicator probably needs–tweaking.”
“I’ve been waiting 100 missions for this,” Def replied. “I will enjoy my one Mexican meal, perfect or not!”
Roll’s comm beeped, “Lieutenant Roll, we’re arriving at sector 45R-3 and will orbit planet Charlie in 5 minutes.”
“Thank you, Corporal Heather. We’re on our way.”
“Last bite,” Def said as he shoveled a heaping pile into his already full mouth. “Let’s roll!” he mumbled as chunks of rice and bean spewed onto the table.
Roll rolled his eyes at the thousandth time he’d heard that joke this year alone.
Roll and Def arrived on the bridge as Corporal Heather steered the ship into orbit over the planet.
“Take us down when you’re ready,” Def ordered, taking his seat.
Heather descended the ship into the atmosphere as flames filled the viewing screen as the ship rumbled with the usual vibration.
“This should be quick and-,” the Def abruptly stopped and gripped his stomach. His stomach growled louder than the roar of the burning atmosphere outside. “-easy?” he strained to get the last word out. “Excuse me!” Def made a beeline for the head on the bridge and slammed the door behind him.
“I told him that burrito was a bad idea,” Roll smirked. “Let’s help our captain clear the pipes, shall we?”
“Wha- What do you mean?”
“I want you to steer us through some turbulence.”
Cpl. Heather slowly turned back to her console, eyes wide. “Aye, sir,” her voice cracked as she adjusted the flight path.
Suddenly, an airwave convulsed the ship. Def’s muffled screams filled the bridge. “What the he-,” another violent shake, followed by some choice words the captain rarely used.
“Ok, that’s enough, corporal. Now set us down over there near the village,” Roll could barely contain his laughter. One hundred missions going from civilization to civilization meeting new species got a little–boring. It was about time they had a little fun. Hopefully, I didn’t go too far with this one, he thought to himself. Nah, it was worth it.
As Corporal Heather landed, the viewing screen showed the species were already gathering for the impending greeting. Roll and Heather made their way towards the hatch. Stopping briefly to knock on the head door to let Def know they would wait outside for him.
“Can’t wait!” the Captain yelled in response.
Heather, Roll, and their security detail took positions at the foot of the ramp outside as they waited for Captain Def to descend from the hatch.
Momentarily Captain Def strolled out of the hatch and down the ramp. Roll glanced at him briefly then nearly snapped his neck with a double take. “Sir!”
“Not now, Roll. I’ve got a new species to meet.”
As Roll reached the bottom of the ramp, they could hear gasps from the species. Their bi-pedal bodies shook, and they appeared to change color. In unison, they bowed and began to worship Captain Def.
Stopping in his tracks; Def turned to Roll, “OK, what the hell?”
“You have blue toilet water all over you. You look like a Smurf, sir, and our translators seem to indicate they see you as some sort of god.”
“Sometimes I hate this job,” Def said as he forced a smile and stretched his arms out to greet his new subjects.